I reached the mountaintop
and realized the view up there
wasn’t worth losing the company
I’d had down in the village
(3/23/22)
I reached the mountaintop
and realized the view up there
wasn’t worth losing the company
I’d had down in the village
(3/23/22)
Listen, sister:
If he doesn’t like you back,
that’s an “A ≠ B,”
not an “A < B.”
You didn’t belong there,
but that doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough
(written 3/6/22)
Acceptance isn’t passive.
It is active.
It is facing and contending.
I’m not perfect,
but I am trying.
Trying isn’t everything.
It doesn’t undo the mistakes I’ve made,
heal the people I’ve hurt,
or bring back the time I’ve wasted.
But it IS something.
It is not nothing.
When I was a young teenager,
I was suicidal.
Now,
I work on a crisis hotline
helping others who are suicidal.
I wish I could go back in time
and show my younger self
what she would become.
“Look,” I’d say.
“I know how hard it is for you right now.
I know you feel lost, broken, and alone,
and that everything seems hopeless.
But you will make something
of this pain.
It won’t be for nothing.
Look how you’ll spin
the blood
into gold.”
Forgiveness
is not the warm, fuzzy feeling
of love.
It is the calm, peaceful feeling
of acceptance.
This poem is the sister poem to my last post, Minefield.
I want to view socializing
not as standing in a minefield,
but as dancing on a hillside.
Still not risk-free nor pain-free;
inherently unsteady.
Falls (rejections, awkward moments, etc.)
are inevitable.
But unlike missteps in a minefield,
they will never be fatal.
They will cause bruises
that hurt in the moment,
but heal with time.
The hillside dancer can move joyously
not because she faces no risks,
but because she views the risks realistically.
Having social anxiety
is like being in a minefield.
You fear that one misstep
(i.e. one awkward moment,
one poorly constructed sentence,
one accidental overshare,
one missed cultural reference,
etc. etc. etc….)
would mean complete
social and emotional
annihilation.
So, naturally, you don’t move.
You just stand there,
paralyzed.
When you learn that true worth
doesn’t come from worldly things
you start to see the dirt
in things you used to see as diamonds
and you start to see the diamonds
in things you used to see as dirt
(Feb 2018)
Gather around, ladies.
Let’s say this together, in unison:
I am not “too much” for having emotions and opinions.
I am not “too much” for having emotions and opinions.
I AM NOT “TOO MUCH” FOR HAVING EMOTIONS AND OPINIONS.
(Nov. 2021)