You can only abuse someone for so long
until they get tired of your shit
and stand up to you
This is true
even when that someone
is yourself
Author: musingsandmusic
My Own Damn Planet
At the end of the day,
I didn’t want to be
one of the many moons
in your orbit.
I wanted to be
my own damn planet.
Erosion
This poem is dedicated to a person who I’ll always love, and who showed me the meaning of unconditional love. (SBH)
Your love is a steady stream of water
carving away at my mountain of insecurities
Your love is a fierce gust of wind
wearing down my fears and past hurts
Your love is erosion
in the most beautiful way
(late 2019 or early 2020)
Risks and Rewards
“I will not date again
until my insides feel right”
is the marching order
that gets me through the day
“But what if my insides
never feel right?”
is the haunting whisper
that keeps me up at night
No Matter the Cost
In order to become the person I want to be,
I must pursue inner peace with the same fervor
that I used to pursue pleasure:
doing whatever it takes to get it,
no matter the cost.
To a Former Love Interest
I wish I’d learned earlier in life than I did that the nuts and bolts of a relationship are far more important than the cinematic, romantic parts.
————
You told me you don’t believe that connections like ours happen by accident,
implying that divine hands had pushed us together.
I agree, but I also don’t think connections like ours
happen for free.
Your fairy tale proclamations meant nothing
when you weren’t willing to make the sacrifices needed to choose me,
and no God who has my best interests at heart
would push me toward a cheap, distorted version of partnership
when I deserve the real thing.
Broccoli Seeds
No longer do I want to choose lovers
based on the fantasy of healing them
or of them healing me
I want someone
with whom I can walk side by side,
providing each other company
while we both heal ourselves
No longer do I want the sugar high
of consuming each other like candy
I want the difficulty and fulfillment
of nourishing each other like broccoli seeds
*I borrowed the broccoli seed metaphor from Gesturing Toward Decolonial Futures’ “Broccoli Seed Agreement.” Please check out their work! They’re amazing!
Antiseptic
When I called you to apologize,
you gave me more grace than I thought you would.
You said you thought I was a good person, deep down.
Your words were like antiseptic on a wound—
they healed, but also burned.
Because I don’t want people to need a magnanimous shovel
to be able to uncover and see my goodness.
I don’t want to be a “good person, deep down”—
I want to be a good person.
Surrender to Your Mediocrity
I don’t care
if my poems
are just statements
with line breaks.
I love writing them,
and that’s what matters.
————————-
“Dude, sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something”-Jake the Dog
The title of this poem was inspired by this YouTube video.
ghosts
sometimes, I feel at peace looking back
like our relationship served its purpose
and sometimes, I feel utterly disquieted
like that purpose was to haunt me
Musings and Music 