Every time I hear your name
I feel hurt
I feel used
I feel powerless
I feel tyrannized
I feel terrified
all over
again.
(written early 2019)
The Life of a Socially Anxious Writer
- Write something.
- Put it out into the world.
- Die of embarrassment.
- Slowly realize that, in spite of intense feelings of shame (what Brené Brown aptly calls a “vulnerability hangover”), you’re not, like, *actually* dead. At least not in the technical, literal sense. And what a shocking revelation!!!!! You really thought you were!!!! In fact, you were quite convinced!!!!! Start getting the itch to write and share your writing again (where did THAT come from???). Forget how painful and awful it was the last time. Start believing and hoping that MAYBE, despite the disagreement of ALLLLLLLLLL your inner demons, you just might have something important to say. Bravely or stupidly (<— you’re never sure which) decide to soldier on.
5. Write something again.
No Excuses
A key component
to maturing spiritually
is realizing there are no excuses
for my bad behavior.
There are explanations.
There is empathy.
There is (I hope) redemption.
But there are NO excuses.
To A Female Ex-Coworker
You said I’d be sexy
if I wore my hair down
if I plucked my eyebrows
if I unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt.
I laugh at how much you’re missing,
at how completely you misunderstand me.
It is my mind, my heart,
my soul, my very essence that makes me sexy–
not any of those things.
(written spring 2019)
Mimosa Lane
Today, I drove down Mimosa Lane
just because I loved its name.
We must remember
to pursue these moments:
the joy
of celebrating our joy
Never Lose
It’s okay to lose your naivety–
never lose your ideals.
It’s okay to lose your innocence–
never lose hope.
It’s okay to lose your fantasies–
never lose your dreams.
Forgiveness VII
I used to think
my forgiveness
was in vain
because it didn’t
change you.
Now I know
it wasn’t
because it changed
me.
Forgiveness VI
I used to think
forgiveness
meant giving my power
away.
I was wrong.
Forgiveness
IS
my power.
Forgiveness V
I no longer
idealize
forgiveness.
I still think
it’s magic
but I don’t think
it’s fairy dust
Forgiveness IV
My answers to the job application questions:
“What is your greatest accomplishment?”
and “What are you most proud of?”
are always
lies.
My true proudest accomplishment
is forgiving
the unforgivable
