“I will not date again
until my insides feel right”
is the marching order
that gets me through the day
“But what if my insides
never feel right?”
is the haunting whisper
that keeps me up at night
Tag: fear
Uncharted Waters
I tried to escape the pain,
and nothing worked.
So now, I will go into the pain.
As I stand at the edge of this ocean,
I cannot see the opposite shore.
But I must trust that someday I will,
if I’m brave enough to start swimming.
(May 2022)
Minefield
Having social anxiety
is like being in a minefield.
You fear that one misstep
(i.e. one awkward moment,
one poorly constructed sentence,
one accidental overshare,
one missed cultural reference,
etc. etc. etc….)
would mean complete
social and emotional
annihilation.
So, naturally, you don’t move.
You just stand there,
paralyzed.
Fear in a Ballgown
Sometimes I wonder
if what I call “independence”
is really just fear:
fear
of getting too close
and losing myself
Adventures in Meditation
”I hate you,”
says a mean inner voice
to my whole being.
I sit with that for a moment.
“Oh really, you hate me?”
responds my Inner Wisdom.
she is unphased,
amused,
and, mostly
filled with compassion:
she knows
the mean voice
only says these things
because it is
so,
so
afraid.
Part of the Family
I finally see the mean inner voices for what they are:
part of the family.
I’m never going to eradicate them.
Fear,
self-doubt,
self-criticism,
and depression
will always be in the car
in the road trip of my life–
a month from now,
a year from now,
ten years from now.
And that’s okay.
They can be here–
as long as they know their place.
They sit in the back.
They sit shotgun.
They are not the driver.
I repeat:
They are not the driver.
*Credit where credit is due: this poem is a paraphrase of a part of Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert.*
Come Alive Anyway
You may fear
that if you come alive
people won’t like
who you truly are.
I’m going to spoil the ending:
some people WON’T like
who you truly are.
Come alive anyway.
Musings and Music 