Addiction is constant pleasure and numbing, with an undercurrent of self-hatred.
Sobriety is constant pain and hardship, with an undercurrent of peace and growing self-love.
Addiction looks like a shiny suspension bridge
over the chasm of your loneliness and despair,
but it’s a lie–there is no suspension bridge, no easy road, no pain-free life.
There are only two choices:
move forward by descending into the chasm,
or stand still and procrastinate.
The more you choose the latter to avoid the sharp pain,
the more you’ll pay for it with the dull pain of letting yourself down.
We must choose
between the head-splitting agony of presence
and the slow, rotting feeling of escape.
Addiction is constant pleasure and numbing, with an undercurrent of self-hatred.
Sobriety is constant pain and hardship, with an undercurrent of peace and growing self-love.
And I’m beginning to learn
that despite their subtlety,
the undercurrents matter most.
Tag: resilience
New Priorities
No longer is my main goal in life
to be happy.
It’s to be fulfilled
and resilient.
Victim–>Creator
A bad thing happens.
Instinctively, I run to my well of self-pity.
I see that it has run dry.
I have learned to create instead of surrender.
(Mar. 2022)
Equations
Listen, sister:
If he doesn’t like you back,
that’s an “A ≠ B,”
not an “A < B.”
You didn’t belong there,
but that doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough
(written 3/6/22)
Blood Into Gold
When I was a young teenager,
I was suicidal.
Now,
I work on a crisis hotline
helping others who are suicidal.
I wish I could go back in time
and show my younger self
what she would become.
“Look,” I’d say.
“I know how hard it is for you right now.
I know you feel lost, broken, and alone,
and that everything seems hopeless.
But you will make something
of this pain.
It won’t be for nothing.
Look how you’ll spin
the blood
into gold.”
A Prayer for You
This poem is dedicated to myself and to all of my readers. ❤
“The places where you have the biggest challenges in your life become the places where you have the most to give, if you do your inner work.” –Tracy McMillan
——————————————————————
I pray
that the pain of your today
becomes the pride of your tomorrow.
I pray
that the struggle of your today
becomes the strength of your tomorrow.
I pray
that the torment of your today
becomes the triumph of your tomorrow.
Whack-a-Mole
My creativity
is like a whack-a-mole:
when my demons scare it away,
it always pops up somewhere else,
somewhere unexpected.
When the hammer of judgment comes down,
it runs,
then reappears
somewhere I’m not looking.
It’s playful and cunning,
like the Looney Tunes roadrunner–
the coyote
will never catch it.
It’s opportunistic,
like a weed
that grows through the cracks
in the pavement.
It’s resilient,
like Fawkes the Phoenix–
every death
leads to a rebirth.
It must reinvent itself
a million times over,
but it never gives up,
and I’m so grateful
it doesn’t.
Musings and Music 