A key component
to maturing spiritually
is realizing there are no excuses
for my bad behavior.
There are explanations.
There is empathy.
There is (I hope) redemption.
But there are NO excuses.
A key component
to maturing spiritually
is realizing there are no excuses
for my bad behavior.
There are explanations.
There is empathy.
There is (I hope) redemption.
But there are NO excuses.
You said I’d be sexy
if I wore my hair down
if I plucked my eyebrows
if I unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt.
I laugh at how much you’re missing,
at how completely you misunderstand me.
It is my mind, my heart,
my soul, my very essence that makes me sexy–
not any of those things.
(written spring 2019)
Today, I drove down Mimosa Lane
just because I loved its name.
We must remember
to pursue these moments:
the joy
of celebrating our joy
It’s okay to lose your naivety–
never lose your ideals.
It’s okay to lose your innocence–
never lose hope.
It’s okay to lose your fantasies–
never lose your dreams.
I used to think
my forgiveness
was in vain
because it didn’t
change you.
Now I know
it wasn’t
because it changed
me.
I used to think
forgiveness
meant giving my power
away.
I was wrong.
Forgiveness
IS
my power.
I no longer
idealize
forgiveness.
I still think
it’s magic
but I don’t think
it’s fairy dust
My answers to the job application questions:
“What is your greatest accomplishment?”
and “What are you most proud of?”
are always
lies.
My true proudest accomplishment
is forgiving
the unforgivable
Forgiveness is strange.
I forgave you
with all my heart,
yet I still
want to punch you
in the face.
Forgiveness
Isn’t what I thought it would be
It wasn’t a magical, one-time event
It is a process I must continue every day
that’s never truly finished
It isn’t a steady, uphill climb toward healing
It is feeling I’ve completely forgiven you one day
and hating your guts the next
It isn’t neat and tidy
It is as messy as the pain it is trying to resolve
but still,
I am choosing it.
(written fall 2018)