Forgiveness
Isn’t what I thought it would be
It wasn’t a magical, one-time event
It is a process I must continue every day 
that’s never truly finished
It isn’t a steady, uphill climb toward healing
It is feeling I’ve completely forgiven you one day
and hating your guts the next 
It isn’t neat and tidy
It is as messy as the pain it is trying to resolve
but still, 
I am choosing it.

(written fall 2018)