When I Go Deep

When I go deep into my guilt, I find innocence.
When I go deep into my sorrow, I find joy.
When I go deep into my anger, I find forgiveness.
When I go deep into my self-hatred, I find self-love.
When I go deep into my grief, I find rebirth.
When I go deep into my hurt, I find healing.
When I go deep into my loneliness, I find connection.
When I go deep into my weakness, I find strength.
When I go deep into my fear, I find courage.
When I go deep into my bewilderment, I find clarity.

When I say deep, I mean DEEP.
The path to heaven often takes a person straight through hell,
offering no shortcuts.

But every suffering is the raw material for its opposite.

Don’t be afraid of your darkness.
Sit with it quietly.
Listen to it intently.
Someday,
it will lead you to your light.

Sex Dreams IV

This poem is an excerpt from a series of poems about dreams of preventing and healing trauma and creating a better culture around sexuality.

—————-

My deepest sex dream
is that one day
we will create a world
in which it is safe for
women and girls
to discover and explore
their sexuality
without fear
of physical
or reputational
danger.

Forgiveness II

Forgiveness
Isn’t what I thought it would be
It wasn’t a magical, one-time event
It is a process I must continue every day 
that’s never truly finished
It isn’t a steady, uphill climb toward healing
It is feeling I’ve completely forgiven you one day
and hating your guts the next 
It isn’t neat and tidy
It is as messy as the pain it is trying to resolve
but still, 
I am choosing it.

(written fall 2018)