I used to think
my forgiveness
was in vain
because it didn’t
change you.
Now I know
it wasn’t
because it changed
me.
I used to think
my forgiveness
was in vain
because it didn’t
change you.
Now I know
it wasn’t
because it changed
me.
Forgiveness
Isn’t what I thought it would be
It wasn’t a magical, one-time event
It is a process I must continue every day
that’s never truly finished
It isn’t a steady, uphill climb toward healing
It is feeling I’ve completely forgiven you one day
and hating your guts the next
It isn’t neat and tidy
It is as messy as the pain it is trying to resolve
but still,
I am choosing it.
(written fall 2018)